I really, really miss LJ. You guys are loved, do you know that?

Well, you are.

*kiss kiss* and all that...

I had the best time ever in NYC. I absolutely cannot wait to go back, it felt like home. BADASS.

I was hired to work for BCBG Max Azria today! I am their SF brand ambassador. It is a really awesome feeling to get a real job in my chosen field. They also want to to intern this fall, "with an intent to brought on" (read: hired) within their product design division. It was a really positive experience because I have such an immense fear of failure.

Todd and I are in an awesome spot right now. Keep your fingers crossed for us please.

I miss talking to you all of you girlies. I'm sorry things are so busy at the moment. I think about you daily, I really do.

I ate them for dinner last night with some Soy Delicious green tea ice cream for dessert. I stopped eating when I felt full, which was such an unfamiliar, yet comforting feeling. Years of starving when I'm hungry and eating 'till it hurts have really whacked out my appetite cues. I also forgot I'd even ate those things until I went to bed. Normally I would have spent the whole evening in a panic because I kept 'bad' food down, which usually would've lead to a purge too. This is a big deal for me, especially because it felt so effortless.

I am dying to go see Dane Cook in Vegas this Sunday. Anybody here want to go/going already?

"Friendship improves happiness and abates misery, by the doubling of our joy and the dividing of our grief."

--Marcus Tullius Cicero

Someone come make out with me. I'm so effin' horny.

"Be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. In the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul."

--Max Ehrmann

...get under the covers, and read this interview. I scanned it from The Sun magazine, which is a fantastic publication I subscribe to full of poetry, stories, photography, and...no advertisements : ) The content always speaks to the soul, and this article is especially appropriate for myself right now and, I think, for many of you as well. It echoes and reaffirms the attitude I've always tried to have towards pain and struggle. We must embrace these experiences and see them for their ability to lead to enlightenment and peace. Anyway, Miriam Greenspan expounds on it far better than I ever could and I hope you can get something from it.

( Through A Glass Darkly (scanned pages under cut) )

I really want to apologize to all of you for not commenting and such. I am trying to limit my OL time in order to get through this semester with my GPA intact. Again, thank you all so very much for being my friend. Feel free to hunt me down and yell at me if you need support ; )


p.s. I am kicking bulimia's ass right now. Only 2 tiny purges (both times it was oatmeal...for pete's sake) in the last 2 weeks and 0 binges.

Do you guys like to dance? Do you get into the music or is it more about expressing your body?

My boyfriend and I usually go dancing when he comes into town. It's always a blast because we both love to dance and we enjoy the same music. Last night we went to a club we don't usually go to and, though I could never explain it, it was somehow more amazing than usual. I swear to you...we touched god.

I wasn't quite sure how to word this, so I just threw some sentences together and figured you'd probably understand what I'm asking : )

What qualities do you require in a friend? What do you think makes someone a *true* friend? Is there such a thing? And if so, do you have someone like that in your life?

This semester is officially done.

Yesss!

This is a bit of an addendum to my last post. I'd like to know what adjectives you prefer when used to describe your looks. Things like cute, pretty, skinny, sexy, etc., etc.

If I had my druthers, I'd like to be described as gorgeous (facial features), and very, very thin (body). Go on, be vain for a minute and humor me.

This question was posted in a community that I'm in. I liked it because it really does take on a different meaning when you have an ED. I had to think about my answer for a minute, because I don't feel sexy very often. In fact, one of the myriad of reasons I continue with my ED is to be less obviously sexy. I am a somewhat girly for sure (I wear makeup, fuss about my hair, loveloveLOVE clothes), but I don't think girly necessarily equals sexy.

My answer was a nice tan, shaved legs, and clear skin. What's yours?

I am such a hypocrite. Again.

I always thought ED people who lost weight, yet claimed to feel fatter, were silly. I thought, "Yeah, you either A) dieted stupidly and are now skinnyfat so of course you feel fat, or B) being dramatic to sound emo/sick." I know how rude that is and I am so sorry. I am a bad person for being judgmental.

I am at my lowest weight and I feel very average. The skinny-high feeling only lasts for a few weeks. I know I'm not fat *looking*. It's the feeling that I'm chasing...

After much personal deliberation, followed by the drama of trying to find a doctor to prescribe it, I've finally been given medication. I will be taking Prozac, as well as Ativan (to be taken as needed).

If anyone has any experiences whatsoever with these medications, I appreciate it if you'd share. Nothing is too trivial, it can be positive or negative, I don't care. If you are currently on another medication, you could even share the reason why you're on that as opposed to the ones I mentioned. Really, you could just discuss your experiences with medication in general if you'd like. Personal experiences mean a lot more to me than speaking with medical professionals or reading synopses on the internet.

BIG LOVE!

p.s. I'm sorry I'm not a big updater, but you know I'm here for you guys. If there's anything you want to know about me, just ask.

My friend love_tori has started a new community called organic_ed. I am going to be a co-mod there and I'd like to spread the word. Please visit and submit an application. You don't have to be AN or eat organic foods as the title suggests, but you do have to have an interest in striving for and maintaining a healthier lifestyle and mindset within your eating disorder. It's about making educated health decisions, even if you're not looking for recovery. I will be posting the same types of topics that you've seen in my journal and answering your questions. love_tori is well versed in vegetarianism/veganism, as well as exercise and medications, so she is a wonderful source of information as well.

( Posting Suggestions )
Admittedly, I am still not very familiar with the ins and outs of LiveJournal, so bear with me while I work out the kinks of learning how to help run a community.

My mom just e-mailed this article to me today, which is great because I had been wanting to make a sleep related post anyway.

( Sleep )

"To laugh often and love much; to win the respect of intelligent persons and the affection of children; to earn the appropriation of honest critics and to endure the betrayal of false friends.

To appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to give of oneself; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to have played and laughed with enthusiasm and sung with exhilaration.

To know that even one life has breathed easier because you have lived...this is to have succeeded."

--Emerson

This question was posed to me by a friend, hopefully this info can help!

( Just say no to skinny-fat )

I know I have been promising a post on refeeds for awhile, I apologize it took so long. I really hope you take the time to read this information, I know there's a lot there, but it's incredibly valuable. If you have questions/concerns, if something isn't clear, or if you want more in depth physiological info (so you don't just have to take my word for it), please let me know.

( Refeeds and Weight Loss )